Spring Break is right around the corner!

My spring break will be arriving on Thursday, March 3 at 2:15pm. I'm going to drive over to Wautoma Wisconsin to see the fam. Mom and Dad are going to Honduras for most of my break, so I'm "teen" sitting. Sam and Olivia just need someone to take them to and from school and to make them food and to get them up in the morning and to do their laundry. haha so...I'm the "mom" of spring break. I'm excited to spend time with them and to be at a house instead of an apartment. These places just feel so small. I'm a little nervous about 2 things though. 1st I'm nervous about having my credit card with me. Normally when I have that, I tend to spend the money on it and normally on very unhealthy things. Also I'm nervous about getting in all my exercising. Here at school I have a gym to workout in, but at home I don't really have that much available to me. So this spring break might prove to be a little challenging. I'm also going to be starting in on my 2nd cycle of the 17day diet while I'm home. I'm excited because I'll get to eat some other things. Not that I'm complaining, but I do get a little tired of having the same sorta stuff all the time. So Spring break here I come!!!!!!!!

Get rid of the Wings!

A few days ago my friend Nicole found out that she was accepted to a  study abroad program in Costa Rica. We were all on stand by all day waiting to find out. And then at 6pm there was an explosion of excitement. She got it!!!!! Celebration night out was in order. We headed out to Buffalo Wild Wings. I figured that since it was a special occasion I could have a few little boneless wings. I'm allowed to have chicken. I convinced myself that it didn't matter.
We sat down and ordered. Waters all around...we're college students...its cheaper that way. Caribbean Jerk. Thats my favorite. I split the order with Julia, and that made it even more acceptable. I would only be eating 4 little wings. The waitress brought our orders and handed them all out. My mouth watered. It had been about 8 days since I had anything truly off my diet.
Sitting in front of me was the whole reason I started this weight loss in the first place. I hated those wings. They mocked me from the little basket. "you already made the mistake." "you ordered us" "you're gonna have to start all over tomorrow."  "whatever."
"Emily, whats the matter?" my friend Kalie asked from across the table.
"I can't eat these."
"Are you thinking about how bad they are for you?" Nicole asked.
I nodded then gazed back up at the soccer game playing on the big screen in the corner. From the corner of my eye I saw Nicole quickly get rid of the wings. They were no longer in front of me to remind me that i would so quickly be willing to give up everything that I had worked for.
"Those are not worth it!" I said it to the other girls at the table, but really i was talking to the wings. "You're not worth everything I've achieved. You're not worth my health. You're not worth the disappointment I would have in myself for eating you."
I still had to pay for them. I was happy to do so. I'm happy to pay for something I'm not going to eat. If that means a huge victory for me. I'd pay anything for that. Thankfully it only cost me about $4...but its the idea that counts.

-17

So, on the 17 day diet, I lost 17lbs in the first 7 days...:) WOWEEEWOOWOWOW!!!!!!AH!!!!!!!ITS REALLY HAPPENING!!!!

Days 2-5 and the storm.

        I should have kept up everyday, but that can get overwhelming when I have a bunch of other stuff to do. Its hard to do all my school stuff and my work and have time to plan out all my meals and make everything that I can't get in the cafeteria. I've done really well. I've stuck to the diet all except for one thing. I had a chicken Caesar salad and it didn't have light dressing. So that was a fail. Otherwise I've been eating lots of fish. I feel like a fish now myself. Unfortunately my roommates don't like the smell of fish, so I feel a little bad making it so often. I also didn't do green tea for some of my drinks this weekend because I was in Chicago and I forgot to bring some. But thats okay, its just the 17day diet suggestion for drinks, but i just did water and I was fine. I'll get back to my tea now that I'm home and have an ample amount of it. 
   So on my way back from Chicago today, I was driving on some really icy and slushy roads. A big truck went flying past me and started spinning and then hit the car in front of me. They both spun and I hit my breaks. I knew that if I hit them too hard I would probably start twisting around too, so I just slowed myself down and hoped that they were out of the way. Thankfully they both went into the ditch before I could become part of the wreck. I pulled off the road and turned my hazard lights on and got out to check if everyone was okay. I started walking towards the truck and a guy got out and said he someone was hurt. I immediately pulled out my phone and called 911. Within minutes police cars started showing up. I talked to a police officer and told him my story and then he let me leave. Needless to say I drove about 25mph for the next 30 miles...it took a long time to finally get home. I thank God for keeping me safe.

DAY 1, UNO, ONE, UNE, EIN...

OH BOY! Two words... GREEN TEA! every single meal...yep. a cup of green tea at every mean because its good for me. holy cow...I thought i liked green tea, but i don't and I'm already sick of it and its only been one day. 
Other than the green tea, everything else went very well for the first day. 2 egg whites and half a grapefruit for breakfast..a huge salad of spinach, carrots, cucumbers, sunflower seeds, raisins, mushrooms, and 1 hard boiled egg topped with olive oil and balsamic vinegar...dinner was wonderful...a sole fish fillet backed with broccoli, carrots, celery, and olive oil baked for 30minutes. 
I also did get a work out in. I rode the stationary bike for 30minutes 8.4miles and then i walked around the pond on campus 2 times. 
Successful first day i would say. Its gonna be hard to do this every day though. I know that the end result is going to be worth all the work though. So day one is done and day two is in my sights. :) 

Everybody wants to love....everybody wants to be loved...

So Valentines Day is right around the corner. Everyone with a significant other probably has great plans for this weekend or the day of and those who don't probably have some sort of pity party to attend. As for me...this valentines day I'm dedicating to my new life. The journey to a more healthy me is something to celebrate. Being able to recognize that woman that God loves and cherishes is a huge excitement for me. So although love of a special man is not in the cards for me this Valentines day, love from the Almighty is and will always be. HAPPY VALENTINES!!!!!!!

GOALS!!

I need to lay out some goals to kind of see where I'm headed. This is what I've come up with. 

1. lose 150lbs

2. Be able to get on a plane and be completely comfortable in the seat

3. Study Abroad

4. Honor God through this whole journey and seek Him for encouragement

and strength.

5. Have a healthier life style full of joy

OH THE JOY!

     Last night I told my friend Julia about my new plan for weight loss and asked her to help me with buying the healthy things and only the healthy things. She was sooooooo enthusiastic about it. She was amazed at the amount of weight i need to lose. Her excitement for me was so encouraging. She's gonna be a huge asset to my program. Julia is an amazing friend. I couldn't even sleep last night because I was getting so excited about starting all of this.
    I have picked up a starting date. I was going to start on Sunday, February 13th, but I need to wait until my first pay check comes in so that I can afford to buy all the healthy food. So my start date is Tuesday, February 15th. I know it looks like I'm putting it off, but I just want to be completely prepared. Classes, homework, work, exercising and making my own food will be a ton of work. So I'm hoping to get everything completely prepared for when I start.

So the First Brick is put in place.

      Today, I started out a little rough. I didn't eat breakfast because I was running a little late to class. I've read all over the place in every diet and exercise book that breakfast is really really important. It gets the metabolism up and running for the day. It also starts my day off with more energy, when I actually get around to eating it. So I'm going to be starting by getting my breakfast stuff ready the night before so that when I get up it's ready for me to put together and eat and run. I feel like having a lot of already prepared food will help me not make bad choices because the choices has already been made. I make better choices when I'm not in a rush.  Pre prepared meals and snacks. As long as I have a plan I'll  be better equipped to face my everyday challenges. 
     In the past few days I have talked to two of my friends about my problems and got them on board to help me out. My friend Nicole will be helping me with getting to the gym at least 3 times a week and maybe even more. My friend Kalie will be helping me for when it comes to my money being spent in the right place. I'll be handing over my debit card and will only have access to it when I need groceries or gas for the car, but I will not have access to it all the time like I used to. 
    I've been realizing more and more that this is not just a journey for a healthier physical body, but a healthier life over all. I'm going to be seeing a therapist. I'm getting a tutor for a class so that I can be the best student I can be. I'm also working and realizing that once my physical health is better, I'll be a much better employee because I'll be able to move more quickly and efficiently. It's all got to come together. 
    Today I will also be getting a hold of the rest of my family members and talking to some of my managers at work to just get them on board. It's really hard for me to admit to people my problems. Even though I know that they see it, but actually saying "hey i have a weight problem and I need help" is really hard. So I'm talking to a few people at a time to make it a little less scary. 
     And bit by bit I'm getting closer to my goals. 

It's Not for Nothing!

Today I told my mom about this journey that I am embarking on . She told me that my weight is holding me back. I have so much potential and I'm unable to live up to that. I need this. But I can't do it on my own. I need a support team and accountability partners. I need...workout buddies, food supervisors, a therapist, my family and friends to be on board and for everyone to help me stay accountable. My life is really worth it. I have this one life to live and I need to live it to the fullest.
The hardest things is to ask for help from piers and people that I look up to. But just because it's hard doesn't mean that it cant be done. This week I'm dedicating to building a firm foundation. I'm going to be talking to a bunch of people to get them on board. I'm going to be getting my blood drawn and meeting with a doctor to see where my body is at. I'm going to be meeting with a therapist about my emotional attachments to food. I'm going to be talking to each of my family members(immediate family only) about what I'm going to be doing. I'm going to be talking to some friends about being my pushers. People who push me to the gym and make me eat right. and push that donut out of my hand. Also a shopping buddy who can help make sure I'm getting only what's on my list. So HELP WANTED! and this is my base week where I find all the help I can get.

Why the sudden change?

So in my first post I talked a lot about why I want and need to lose weight. But what really caught my attention and the reason I'm somehow really determined is because of one little girl. EMMA. My older sister just got married to a man who has a daughter. Her name is Emma. Now, Erin is a step-mom, but I don't really get the step-aunt title. I'm okay with that as long as I get to treat her like a niece. Lucky for me, Emma loves hanging out with me. So, when we went to the wedding her and I got to spend some time together. At the rehearsal dinner she really wanted to dance on the dance floor, but there was no music playing so her Grandma Jane told her she needed to sit down. I then got up and started dancing with her even though we had no music. After a little while she asked me a question that really kind of hurt me as  well as inspired me. She said, "Emily, why do you have two bellies?" Jane told her that it was rude of her to ask and insisted that she go sit down. She asked me again and I looked at her and said, " Well I like it like that. I wear my pants tight around the middle so that i get two bellies." Emma was satisfied with this response and returned to her seat as instructed. I was completely embarrassed. I couldn't believe that I pretended to like the fact that my midsection is so large. I  hated that she  could see it even though I was wearing a really baggy dress. I knew that her question was innocent, but I'm sure other people have thought the same thing only they have filters and would never mention my weight. That night I thought about that conversation time and time again. I always seem to make a joke out of my size or pretend like it never bothers me at all. I don't know if I actually do a good job at fooling the people around me, but I definitely never fooled myself. I hate that my graduation gown didn't fit in the right size so I had to get a larger one. I don't have to hate this stuff any more though. It can all be changed and I will make those changes.

From the Beginning, I mean from the Rock Bottom.

   Let me start by introducing myself. My name is Emily and I'm a college student. I'm a Christian and I grew up in Mexico. That's it. I want to start with a story.
     When I was around 8 or 9 years old I was spending the night at my friend Briana's house. We had been eating a lot of junk food for our slumber party, and had just been lounging around watching movies. It was a very typical sleepover. Then Briana made a comment. "Oh man I ate too much. I always eat too much. I'm getting fat and ugly."
    As a good Christian girl I said. "You're not fat or ugly. You're just the way God made you. You and I are just big bones. He made us that way."
Then Briana said something that has stuck in the back of my mind ever since. "My mom says that God did makes us, but we need to take care of his creation.By getting fat, I'm not taking care of His creation."  
   WOWZEEE!! She was so right. I'd like to inform you now that since that day I chose to eat healthy and exercise and do everything to take care of God's precious child and unique creation. But those profound words were heard, but not taken to heart. I was young. I don't blame myself for those years, my life wasn't about that serious stuff yet. I'm 20 years old now and my age does not excuse me any longer. Actually it seems to condemn me.
    I've grown larger pretty much every year of my life after the getting taller and developing was over with. I had a year when I trained for a triathlon with my parents and did lose a little weight, but not enough to start me on a journey to being honestly healthy. I now weigh in at about 348lbs. My body is screaming at me to get rid of all this extra baggage. I'm practically carrying a whole other person with me everywhere I go.
    This is where it ends. This is where the extra person gets off and I get to move on with my life. I'm holding myself back. I can't go on planes without making everyone else in my row uncomfortable. I'm afraid of heights because I'm afraid that I'm too heavy for whatever is holding me up. I don't go clothes shopping with friends because I would have to go to the plus size stuff and it's all old ladyish. Ultimately I want to go and study abroad in Lithuania, but I cannot take my extra person on this trip. I want to be able to explore. I want to fly and not have to pay for the extra seat next to me. I want the pictures of me in those places to be framed and not feel ashamed.
    So, my journey begins. I'm going to get a good support system to help me out. I'm going to be accountable to my workout buddy and my meal supervisor. I'm going to live a full life and start taking care of God's special creation. ME.