I've been afraid of changing, because I've built my life around you...(Landslide - Stevie Nicks)

         What is my "you"? I'm so afraid of changing. I've built my life around...you...family?...friends?...school?(of course not...just for kicks and giggles)...having fun?...music?...food?
          Yep....food. Thats what I've come up with. I wish it were more noble. But I do not eat to live. I'm definitely a live to eat kinda gal. Not because I want that, but because I don't know anything different. I don't know what I look like thin or even just healthy weight.  I'm really afraid to change, because I don't know any other version of myself. I know the girl that gets up in the morning hating how she feels because it's a little hard to get up when you weight this much...but then I walk directly to the kitchen and pick out some food. I then go to put on clothes and am once again reminded about my large size. hm...I hurry through the rest of my morning. Sitting in class and thinking about what I should get for lunch. Check the meal options in the cafeteria online. When they hour is finally up, I hurry over to the cafeteria. Even though nothing really sounded appealing, I'm headed in to eat something. Then on my way out, I'm already thinking ahead about when I'm going to have time for dinner. I then stop in at the grab-n-go line to pick up a paper bad meal in case my evening gets too busy and I don't have time to hit up the cafeteria again. I race off to another class. That food in my backpack seems really appealing because this prof and what he has to say is obviously not. I take out what was meant to be dinner and eat it up. Oh, what do you know...I do have time to hit up the cafeteria. Wonderful. Once again I'm headed out of the cafeteria and realize that my night class (3hrs long) is gonna get really dull and I might need something to keep me from dying of bordum. So I once again  stop by the grab-n-go to get a late evening meal. On my way back to my apartment, it feels really nice to be alone. Some time to think and probably hit up a Taco Bell or McDonalds...


Yes, I've built my life around food. Yes, this is how I've lived.  Yes, this is over. Yes...I know...its bad.


    But it does get better. My life can be built around Christ. My day should start by thanking Him for allowing me to wake up once again to enjoy his creation. And it should end with praising Him for everything that He is and everything that I am in Him. 
      I'm not perfect, but I do want to strive for this to be the focus of my weight loss journey. Doing it because of Him and everything He has done for me. I'd just rather build my life around someone that's worth it and from what I've gathered, Christ is completely worth it.